the knowing is the thing
by CampionSayn
Summary: "I drink, and I know things." -Game of Thrones.


Apparently he was trying to relive some of his childhood. After all, he had gotten drunk and the first place he went was the corner store in Ottery St. Catchpole that was part wizard and part muggle, rather than home to his apartment to be alone.

Since he was there, he might as well play Buy the Weirdest Two Things.

Percy hummed, voice thick and out of tune, the smell of hard butterbeer on his breath and his fingers still stinging from opening their lids.

The clerk eyed him from behind the desk, but didn't bother making note of his condition, sticking to reading Witch Weekly and turning up the radio blasting The Spice Girls.

Wandering the aisles, Percy considered on the very basic rules of the game that he honestly spent more times as referee than an actual participant. The game hadn't been invented until the twins were five, after all, and he'd strenuously objected while Charlie and Bill encouraged it as a way to get their many siblings to calm down and focus on something for more than five minutes at a time.

Only buy what you could afford out of your own pocket money. No asking for a loan from someone else. Buy one thing from the muggle side, and one thing from the magic side. Don't buy it if you're just trying to win, because Mum would complain about waste and being dunderheaded. Person who gets the best reaction out of the clerk wins.

Percy looked over the shelves of food; plain bread, soft and sweet breads, decidedly unmagical candy, canned soups and fruits, brown shelled eggs with little red-grey-white freckles all over them, vinegar for fish and chips, packaged goods that were fairly new from the last time he'd visited. The kinds of food Ginny used to pick from whenever she played the game and somehow always managed to win; George sometimes managing a win from the selection as well, though not nearly as often.

He passed over the most obvious things and picked up some Bavarian cream filled donuts that came in a package of three, a little yellow sticker on the edge that said it was seventy-five percent off.

The smell coming from the bag alone almost made him gag with nostalgia since the only members of the family that actually liked those donuts were Fred and Dad.

Just like the both of them to like the most grotesquely unhealthy thing in the store, really.

Probably what fueled their intellect and need to create at three in the morning as they got older and older, honestly.

* * *

_"Oh, no, no, no, no; you are not eating those things when I know that you have practice with Wood tomorrow and will be up all night if I let you."_

_Being the eldest in school really came with some actual perks at times. Like having four inches on his younger brother and being old to hold the (grease stained, soggy) package out of reach from persistent hands as the other whined like a goat._

_"Come on, Perfect Prefect Percy! It's just a donut! I'll go to bed right after."_

_"Lying really doesn't become you when you look like you've been hit by the Express, Fred. You just want to eat this because it's about to expire and you just remembered you had it squirreled away."_

_"I would never….forget I had them. I just," Fred paused, glaring over at the useless lump that was George sleeping in his own bed as Percy still held his prize out of reach, "Forgot that they expire tomorrow. Happy to be right, you prig?"_

_Percy gave him a deadpan look that was especially useful this close up._

_"I'll be happy when you realize that you're a wizard who knows the STASIS CHARM, you plank."_

_The look on his younger brother's face…_

* * *

The joints of his limbs seemed to creak like an old man as he bent down to look over the lower shelves of Florean's in-stasis ice creams, used books from Diagon Alley shops for cheap, random junk that probably had varying degrees of magic that caused them to do things that would freak him out once he sobered up.

Honestly, this was the part of the game that always stumped him because there was no recipe for success; the clerks changed and their personalities made their sense of shock difficult to gage.

Ron would have chosen the broken chess pieces; Ginny would have chosen the Quidditch memorabilia; George had a preference for the hair products or the noisemaker candies. Charlie would have bought the books on analyzing muggle philosophy; Bill liked the fake tattoos that remained animated and lively for a week before fading to dust; Fred, the perfume that caused electric zaps to run through someone else if they touched the user right after application

Percy always played it safe.

Which is why he rarely won.

* * *

_"Cleaning products, Percy, really?"_

_"It was either that or the owl feed."_

_Fred and George groaned in stereo as Ginny took a running start and hopped onto Percy's back like a limpet, arms wrapped around his neck and legs around his torso and making it plainly obvious without words that he'd be her ride the rest of the way home._

_"This game is supposed to be fun for you, Percy, not just doing your chores without mum reminding you," she said, very serious and pointed as he adjusted his gait to make up for her added mass-tiny though it was._

_"Mum doesn't need to remind me to do my chores, now, does she?"_

_His own reply was just as pointed as her comment, but it flew over all their heads like it always did._

_"Besides, even if I'm to participate in this game, it might as well be at my own convenience. They never have anything I want or need in the muggle section, and everything in the magic aisle I might want is always gone."_

_George maneuvered into his personal space, snatching up the grocery sack he'd been carrying and pulling out Percy's bottle of gnome repellent._

_"Still, anything would have been better than something that doesn't work."_

_"I'll follow the directions to the letter this time!"_

_Fred flicked him along the ear and then once on the nose just because he couldn't fight back without dropping Ginny, "You follow the directions to the letter every time; the stuff just exists as snake oil for the company that pedals it. Bet you a sickle that it only works in gardens that have house elves attending the soil every moment of the day and the product is just so they don't have to smell wet dirt all the time."_

_"No, no, no, read the back; last time I didn't add the right amount of water or stir before use!"_

_All three younger siblings sighed and resisted the urge to giggle as Percy went into one of his rants._

* * *

The donuts landed on the check-out counter, and so did the Rooster Crows candy, three of the little corn shaped sweets already in Percy's palm as he paid.

The clerk had enough decency to turn off the Spice Girls as he rang the Weasley up, nose crinkling at the combined smell of baked sugars.

Success.


End file.
